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Diarist A23 Day08

Friday, April 27, 2018

12:00 AM
Why am I still awake? I have had a huge, busy week at work; you would think I’d be passed out by now. But I suppose I am trying to wind down enough to get to sleep so that I can be back at it at 8:30 in the morning. The weekend can’t come fast enough. But it’s payday! Luckily I am over on hours for the week, so I will not be able to work my full shift…I get to go home early!!!!! The husband is asking what I’m “typing so furiously”. I remind him that I’m doing this journal. He asks if I am including any sordid personal details. I assure him I am not naming names or anything. Moving into the bedroom now. Let’s see how long it takes to fall asleep.

7:07 AM
Awake! I was having a dream about being some sort of journalist, and being sent to Israel to cover some weird forgotten version of bobsled. The Today Show was also there covering it, so I had to ride down the extremely dangerous hill with Ann Curry. In this version of the sport, the two riders sat facing each other, so that meant one rider was going down backwards. The track was littered with cinder blocks but we somehow never crashed. I had Ann’s face right in my face, and her breath was awful. She never stopped fake smiling. Jumped up to grab the laptop to get the dream down before I forget it. I rarely dream, or at least, rarely remember them. I’m kind of excited this happened on a journal day so I could document one. My alarm is set for 7:30, so I’m going to let myself lay here until then. Actually stayed in bed until 7:50.

8:12 AM
Ready to go in just about 20 minutes, and out the door. I am in desperate need of coffee. The Starbucks line wasn’t bad, and I’m in to work right on time. Music in the car: Trampled By Turtles.

9:06 AM
I received a call at work that would pretty much ruin my day. It was from a person representing an organization with which my company was partnering on a project. They told me that they were not at all happy with the project for various reasons, and that I was a terrible partner for allowing all of these deficiencies to occur. It was puzzling, because everyone else associated with the project was overjoyed with the project outcome. After taking it to my administration, we concluded that it was down to a couple of miscommunications that were basically out of my hands. Even though I am never responsible for someone else’s mood, I am looking back at the project to see if there was something I could have done to prevent their issues. Sometimes I think I really can’t win; for every step forward, there’s 1 ½ steps back.

1:07 PM
Work went relatively smoothly since the phone call. I’m trying to remember the positives: It is a quiet Friday and it’s almost 70 degrees outside, and I’m about to have 2 days to myself. I’m now on my lunch break, and I have decided that since I have 3 weeks of vacation time left to take, I need some time off. I think I’m going to take a week in June. I never realized that I’ve had a very stressful month or so at work, and now that the action is over for now, it’s all hit me like a ton of loaded mousetraps. Music in the lunch place: Allman Brothers – “Midnight Rider”, then the Pretenders. Thanks, Chrissy Hynde.

1:42 PM
Still at lunch. Now that it’s not obscenely cold outside, I think I need to get active. I’ve been shut in all winter and the sedentary season has been driving me a bit batty. Now that we are experiencing what I would call “early-March” weather, I’d love to get out into nature, but I live in a very bland part of the country, with only the single road that I have nearby to use for taking walks, etc. I really wish I lived back home, in a Southern state where people I know post Facebook content about how nice it’s been there for a month. I’m trying to not let the bitterness lead me to want to murder them all in their sleep (?this is a joke; please don’t alert the authorities.) I’m from coastal wetlands…that’s much nicer. I am down to the last $1800 or so that I owe on my car. I think when that gets paid up, I will begin a real effort to find a job down there. Good luck though…people are pouring into my home state at an incredible rate. There is no way they need to import someone from up here to fill positions there. I think I may have lost my place in line there. I had it in the palm of my hand the whole time but gave it up for an education and a starter job. The things we do for money. Granted I don’t regret any of my decisions thus far, but there is definitely a price to be paid for them.

5:30 PM
The rest of the day at work was fairly uneventful, and served as a way to let me calm down and get over the mood the morning put me in. At this point I am ready to be away from this building, these people, and these constant responsibilities. I need some space.

6:00 PM
Neither of us felt like cooking, and with the need for extra comfort evident, we simply order pizza. I am trying to eat better, sure, but this is the sort of mental health meal I need right now. The rest of the evening was spent rewatching the “Dreamland” season of Archer, and I was in bed by around 11:30. I am so thankful I have two days away from all of that.