Diary Day 4-27-18
6:20 AM: Clickety, clickety. Damn dog. Up and trotting around the house, her paws clicking across the floor. Then she barks. Who needs an alarm clock? I’ve become conditioned to waking up to her noises, catching her before she has an accident (she’s old). 6:20 actually isn’t bad. It’s been 5:30-5:40 this week, so this constitutes sleeping in. But I’m still tired. Partly that’s because we were out last night, partly that’s because I’ve had a busy, tiring week, and partly because the dog wakes me up earlier than I want to be woken up pretty consistently.
I’m tired enough to lay back down, which I do until 7. Wouldn’t normally do that, but the extra 30 minutes of being horizontal seemed worth it. It was. Then up, fed dog, put her out again, brewed some tea, catching morning news—Presidential tweets, ugh—and reading papers. A few minutes of relaxation follows. Ate some cereal and fruit. I had hoped to work at home for a while, where I can concentrate before heading in to the office. Will try to do a bit but will be limited because a couple of meetings got scheduled for the morning.
8:30 AM: Oops. Got caught up reading an essay on the role of indigenous peoples in Canadian life. Interesting and relevant for my work, but not immediately useful. The essay turned out longer than I expected, so now I’m late. Gotta shower and get into work asap.
11:35 AM: It’s been a crazy morning. Meetings and reviews on several projects. Got to work a little past 9 and pretty much spent 2.5 hours going over projects. I hate meetings but at least these were engaging and useful, producing noticeable forward motion on several fronts. When that happens, work is absorbing and satisfying. That said, my original plan was for some writing and perhaps reading, so now I’m looking at the afternoon to get some of that done. Will have to be sure to be productive. But first, I want to go for a lunchtime run. I try to keep Friday noon hours open to do that. It’s the one weekday I try to be consistent about getting exercise. I decide to do a couple of quick tasks and then head over to the gym.
12:05 AM: The quick tasks got supplanted. My sister is in New York City and visited an elderly aunt, my mother’s sister. She (my sister) began texting me with reports on my aunt, who recently fell and is ill with dementia and other problems that have landed her in the hospital. It’s clear that she is not going to live much longer, maybe just a few days. That saddened me—I had to take a few minutes off alone to just reflect and settle my mind. My mother passed away just last fall so my aunt’s situation was a sharp reminder of that experience. Seems like the year of death. To complicate things a bit, I have a second aunt, also in New York, also my mother’s sister, who is ill with cancer. So I’m worried about her, too. Both my aunts are kind and strong women, so it’s difficult to think about them in these circumstances.
1:00 PM: Went on a short run, despite feeling a little down. The run lifted the gloom, as it usually does. Made my knee hurt a bit, but that is par for the course. Whether I should keep running despite the parts that hurt is a regular thought process with me. For now, the answer is yes, but I have enough aches and pains for it to be a constant, inside-my-head discussion when I work out. For now, the gloom-lifting effects outweigh the discomfort. I think about how I’m lucky, too, to have a job where I can take the time at lunch to exercise. Not all jobs allow that.
2:00 PM: After the run, I arranged to grab a sandwich at a nearby shop and meet with a colleague there. It was half work and half social. We went over a project we are working on together. There was a test run yesterday that went well. Knee still hurt so the exercise debate resumed. I ran into another colleague on the way back to the office. We had a good conversation, mostly about our perspectives on how things were going in our respective jobs. It was good to talk, but now I’ve spent too much time talking to people and not enough time getting necessary work finished, not to mention stopping for diary entries.
5:00 PM: I managed to work in a concentrated way for a while. It was productive, I’m pleased to say. Then, around 4 PM, reality intruded. My sister called, updating her report on my aunt. It seems my other aunt (the one with cancer, not dementia) was not fully appreciative of how close her sister is to dying and perhaps reluctant to see her. She’s a smart woman but it’s a lot for her to process, given her own illness and the loss of her other sister (my mom) so recently. So I called to offer gentle encouragement to her to get over to the hospital and see her sister. I think a visit will bring home to her how close things are to the end. When my mother was dying, this aunt did not get to see her near the end, which she found upsetting. I did not want her to repeat that experience. There were plans in the works for her to get over and see her sister, which reassured me. When finished talking with my aunt, I called my cousin, who had spoken to a family friend who is a nurse and who is monitoring the situation. I got the nurse’s number and called her. She agreed that it would be good to have a visit soon. She was also reassuring about the fact that my older aunt is comfortable and is getting good care. I’d like to get to New York to see her but I don’t think it’s in the cards right now, given what’s going on at work. If things continue for a time, I may be able to visit in a couple of weeks.
6:45 PM: Left work about 5:15 and joined a few friends for a beer. It was pleasant and relaxing, perfect for a Friday afternoon. My extended family issues had disrupted my work a bit, which means I will spend a good chunk of Saturday working, but that is hardly unusual. I probably would have worked anyway. Now it’s just more work. One of the things about gathering for a drink that was good was that two of the people who joined us had been at loggerheads about a work matter that was getting very tense. Both were friends of mine and both had told me a little bit about their disagreement, so it was good to have that settled and not feel caught in the middle. That made things relaxing as we talked about work, politics, sports, and other topics. It was a good way to wrap up the work week. I didn’t stay too long, despite the temptation for one more beer. I was driving, so better safe than sorry. Plus, I try to be aware of the calories and other effects of beer. I recently read an article about the association between cancer and alcohol—yikes. These kinds of mental debates—about exercise, alcohol, etc. seem to be a feature of getting older. I didn’t spend time worrying so much about these issues, even ten years ago. When I got home, my wife was fixing a good chicken and lentil salad that I like, so the pleasant close to the day got even better.
7:30 PM: Before eating, I watched a replay of a late-night talk show from the evening before. My cousin, an actor and the same cousin with whom I had spoken earlier in the day, was being interviewed on national TV. She was great and it was fun to watch her tell stories about her life and family. Since she is part of the same extended family as the two aunts dealing with health problems, it felt like a weird intersection. Exciting success on one hand and sadness on the other.
10:30 PM: After eating (delicious), I watched basketball for a while. Washington fizzled at the end, getting eliminated. The Pacers blew out the Cavaliers, which will make for an exciting game 7. Neither game was all that interesting but it was nice to disengage. I checked in on the NFL draft, which has to be the most overblown sporting event (if you can call it that) that we have these days. It even has a red carpet-hah. Around 9 PM, my aunt called to report on her visit to her sister. It had the hoped-for effect, so she was sad, but seemed ok. She will see her tomorrow and hopefully get to visit regularly from here on. I came back to the sad reality that my parent’s generation is almost entirely gone from the scene, which is sad.
11:00 PM: Bed. I’m tired. In fact, I fell asleep briefly in my chair while watching more basketball. My wife had gone up to bed an hour before. Need to get to sleep early because the dog will be sure to wake the house up at an ungodly hour. And tomorrow is a workday, even though it’s Saturday, in part because of my inefficiencies today.