It’s diary day and man do I have a lot to write about.
First things first…when I woke up today, Oct.22, 2021, I thanked God, like I do most days I wake up, for giving me another day. Gratitude is really important to me and I want my Savior to know I appreciate what he does for me.
After I paused and gave my morning thank you I started thinking about what lies before me today. Picking up donations for a local event we’re hosting, doing my daily visits and meeting a new client are all on the agenda today.
However, those thoughts were quickly interrupted as soon as I pulled the comforter off and felt the cool 63 degrees in my bedroom! I hurried and covered back up and stayed in bed a little while longer.
My thoughts kept drifting back to what has been keeping me awake most nights lately and that’s health care and ‘open enrollment’. Right now I’m still covered under the HIP (healthy Indiana plan) but I’ve been walking a fine line the last several years and my income this year, as of August, has surpassed that maximum income I can earn.
I’ve been hearing all of these commercials and getting random emails and text messages from businesses about open enrollment and honestly I never gave it a thought: until now.
I’ll be 50 years old in January and I know my income could be a lot higher if I’d just take that leap and ditch the HIP insurance but I’m scared.
I’m scared because I don’t know the first thing about open enrollment or going on the ‘health exchange’ to see about coverage. I’m scared because I feel like I don’t make enough money now to cover my own health insurance. People in the same field of work in different states are paying $500-600 per month for health insurance as a solo business owner and that’s not in my budget right now. Especially since I just bought a new car since the transmission went out on my other vehicle.
I just had a minor health procedure done, have an upcoming sleep study scheduled plus other a dermatology appointment and other minor follow up appointments set for the rest of this year. If I had to pay those out of pocket I couldn’t. I’m actually not going to go to my upcoming doctor appointments for fear of having to reimburse the HIP plan once they find out I’m way over the income threshold. So, there’s that…
In other news, my business is going great. I’m bringing in more income than ever before. My numbers this year compared to 2020 were definitely higher but they’re even higher than my 2019 numbers. So that’s awesome!
I got behind in my business taxes but I’m caught up on my state – yay – and I’m on a monthly plan to get the federal taken care of. I always pay more just to knock it out quicker. My student loans are coming due soon so that’ll be $200 every month – boo. And another reason I don’t think I can afford my own health insurance.
For the last two years I’ve been working with my attorney on my grandparent’s visitation case and I won back in May. However, the other party hasn’t complied since the Judge signed the Order and now we have to file a contempt charge on him. I’ve paid almost $14,000 for this case and $7000 since June of this year. Granted $1,900 of that was from a credit card but the rest was all me. And I can’t believe I was able to pay it!!
I’m not lacking for anything. My bills are (mostly) caught up, I have a great car I’m able to use for business, have a truck I can use for hauling things or helping people to move. I can haul mulch and rocks which I used to do in my other car – it’s much easier with a truck, lol. I get to see my daughter and granddaughters and fight every day to be reunited with the one in Georgia. My house will be paid off in 4 years then I’ll just add that $500 payment to my car note and pay it down quicker. That new loan is for 7 years and there’s no way I’m having a car loan go 7 years, yikes.
All in all, my life is pretty good and I see the potential for it to become better if I could just get over the fear of not having health insurance for a bit so I can possibly get myself in a better position to pay for it myself. I’m getting there but I’m also not getting younger. I don’t have any retirement money and that’s another reason I’m so focused on making all the cash I can now, while I’m healthy, in case something does happen to me.
I worry about getting covid. I haven’t got the vaccine yet and don’t plan to for at least 2 or 3 years once I see what happens (if anything) to the millions of people that have gotten theirs. I worry that if I did get covid I’d be one to get it extremely bad and possibly die without seeing my granddaughter in Georgia. That’s my biggest fear right now. I’m crying as I type this because that thought just makes me so incredibly sad. If I died tomorrow would she even remember me? Would she wonder if I just forgot about her? Does she wonder if her mommy just forgot about her? We haven’t. We’re trying to get reunited. Our legal system and attorneys that draft incredibly vague documents and push people to sign them suck. Attorneys that purposely write petitions they know leave wiggle room for their party to get their way should be disbarred in my opinion. But that’s on a whole other topic. My tears are gone now and I’m filled with a little anger when I think about what his attorney has done to my daughter and in turn, my granddaughter.
And this is another reason why I’m working so hard to raise my income: to pay attorneys and private investigators when needed. I need to have enough extra money to drive or fly to Georgia every other month to see my granddaughter once the contempt is filed and he’s forced to comply with the Order. I can’t make those visits if I’m broke.
Things are not always easy.
We can’t learn to persevere without trials and tribulations.
I pray that one day soon my granddaughter will be able to have a full relationship with me and her mommy again and for things to simmer down so all of our family can be reunited.
On yet another note, I reconnected with the woman that designed my original business logo back in 2008. She works at a local non-profit and I’ve hooked up with that organization to give free haircuts to kids and people in the community. My heart has been so full the two times I’ve set up shop and helped those kids. Seeing the smiles on their faces and talking to the parents has been amazing. I was once a mom trying to cut corners and save money (who am I kidding, I still do that! Lol) where I could and luckily I always did my daughter’s hair so that was never an expense I had. Being able to help them and learn about their situations has been fulfilling, I feel grateful that I get the opportunity to pour some life and knowledge into them. I’m so glad back in 1995 I decided to go to beauty school and become a cosmetologist. People always need haircuts and I can always find a job in Indiana.
If you didn’t take anything out of my diary entry, please take this away: Invest in yourself. If you have the opportunity to learn a skilled trade or something that can give you an edge – do it. You never know when that skillset will come in handy. It may be something you fall back on throughout your life or it may enable you to give back like I am right now.
Until the next time, keep your head up and be the person you want to be.