How does time off work for you?
I have always found it important to keep a neat division between work and not-work; that is, what I do to make a living and what I do for myself, for recreation. I think mixing the two can be done but sparingly unless what “feeds your soul” also pays the bills. a luxury precious few of us have acquired – certainly, one that I do not possess. So, when I am away from work, I am away from work. I do not check in with my email or phone or other pathways to communication there might be. I refuse even to download the email app to my phone that we use at work. I learned to unplug in previous, more stressful jobs and I see no reason to stop doing so. I would never want an “on-call” job again.
“feeding my soul.” First, I do not mean some magical inner ghostly gossamer from which my mind and life derive. I refer to those activities and thoughts and occupations of life that fulfill and engage us meaningfully, that engross us and in which we are immersed, mentally, physically, and emotionally – separately or all at once – that impact us significantly. for many people, that means playing sports or creating art – or maybe travel, having deep discussions around a wood fire with a beer in hand, doing crossword puzzles, etc. it means finding that which truly wakes you up, bringing you into the moment, expanding your mental and emotional capacities, evoking happiness and contentment. These do not have to be easy things. They can be extremely challenging but they are always rewarding. Defining what it means to “play” was a task I undertook many years ago and the essential element of this was feeling safe to explore and engage in curiosity. I strive to reach that place every time I am away from work. Mostly, it does not happen in full but I do achieve it in microcosm most evenings and weekends.
The way I deal with others in my time off changes, too. of course, it does. that is, most of us behave differently depending on the social context we are in – a meeting with our boss, a meeting with those you supervise, a family reunion, restaurant with friends, alone with your significant other, etc. At work, I tend to be private and more formal but not entirely closed off. I definitely do not say certain words or talk about certain subjects. away from work, again, it depends on what situation I am in. if with friends, I let go and become more “my true self” with inhibitions at a low ebb.
What do I do recreationally to scratch this itch? in recent years, it’s been gardening (both vegetable and floral), watching and reviewing movies, reading and reviewing books, keeping a blog about my family, birding, hiking, camping, kayaking, snorkeling, cycling, glass cutting, photography, etc. Living in east-central Indiana also makes it imperative to travel so that one sees more than just flat farmland, shortish trees, trains, and asphalt. some of the things that used to truly “feed my soul” have fallen by the wayside because of attitudes and prejudices revealed by recent political discourse and the pressures created by the pandemic. I have not practiced any of my beloved martial arts now since March of 2020. it’s been a grieving process but knowing now about the ignorances and biases harbored by many individuals in those communities and understanding that many of them are not vaccinated when what they do involves close up, full contact with other humans really puts me off. I have not yet found a way around the profound lack of respect I now feel for them and, even if I did, I cannot find a way around knowing how at risk I would be training with them. Maybe someday I will return but not now.
The idea that recreation or leisure can be seen as “successful” indicates a goal and I suppose i do see that and have one main one. I often describe being away from work as “decompressing.” as I said above, precious few of us have work that feeds our souls and we need no time away. For most of us, work constrains us, sets boundaries for behaviors during specific hours of the day, gives us a script we must follow or possibly lose our job. we hold ourselves in a certain way at work, pressing ourselves into a mold that does not quite match our genuine form. Coming home means relaxing those constraints or “decompressing” – like a saturation diver who has to go through long stages of decompression to be able to return to surface life without experiencing severe pain and injury. I strive to forget work. Not literally, where I fail to remember my job but in my bones and muscles, where I no longer have to wear the mental and behavioral armor and I can move unfettered. I can breathe air again instead of heliox that alters my voice. I no longer have to be on guard against transgressing those boundaries necessary to my work environment. It is then that I find my curiosities rekindled and can again lose myself in doing things that feed my soul, refreshing me like a deep sleep for the next round of non-leisure.