May 12, 2020 [A02]
Awoke 8 AM, ridiculously late, but something of a habit now. Since I’m still working from home in this pandemic period and usually not having any early morning responsibilities I tend to stay up late and sleep in a bit. This morning I’m even later than usual; I have generally been getting up around 7:30. Last night I finished off watching the first season of Ozark on Netflix. The last episode is long—well over an hour—so I was up late. I tend to end the night watching a couple of music videos on YouTube, so I was not in bed until past midnight. I read awhile and drifted off, no alarm set.
Almost every day the first thing I do is check the weather. Sun and warmth makes our locked-down days tolerable. Rain and gloom leaves me feeling a bit trapped, and thus irritable. Today, the sun is out and it is supposed to warm up some, so better. This means I can go for a comfortable walk later in the day. On gloomy, wet, and chilly days I still go for a walk, but it’s not as pleasant or satisfying. We’ve had plenty of both since we shut things down in mid-March. Happily, things should be getting warmer soon.
I’m debating whether to get a Covid antibody test. My doctor said it was a waste—tests are imperfect and antibodies don’t mean immunity. But I’m curious. I was sick in March with what we think was a coronavirus infection. I’ll probably do it, since I’m anxious to know something. Will think about it for a while, since it will probably cost money.
Ate breakfast (bagel and banana) and watched tv news for about 30 minutes and browsed Twitter. Have to ration news these days or I’ll become too angry. One of the first things I came across today was a report that Americans will likely be banned from visiting Europe this year because the country has handled the coronavirus outbreak so poorly. Great job, America.
To give you some sense of the mess, this morning’s lead stories in the Washington Post include reports that:
- The Supreme Court will hear arguments over whether or not the President is required to provide his tax returns and financial documents when subpoenaed by Congress and a U.S. attorney—i.e., is the President above the law.
- Dr. Anthony Fauci is preparing to warn Congress that early re-openings amid the coronavirus pandemic will lead to “needless suffering and death.”
- Tesla CEO Elon Musk has reopened his factory in defiance of local stay-at-home orders.
- United Airlines is in trouble for packing one of its flights, without social distancing.
- Senator McConnell says President Obama should have “kept his mouth shut” instead of criticizing the current President’s “chaotic” response to the pandemic.
The United States is a train wreck, with too many monstrous people who believe their right to get their nails done and hair cut trumps the rights of others to breathe.
One happier report: most people approve of their governors, unless they live in a state that decided to open up too fast. I need to keep reminding myself that the monsters are the minority.
Who doesn’t want to open up? I’ll definitely be glad to get out of the house more, but I’m wondering when we will need to lock down again. B. went out to do some errands yesterday and drove past a few restaurants with crowded parking lots. That makes me think there will be trouble ahead—either more “needless suffering and death” or more restrictions. At any rate, I’m not ready to go into an indoor space to eat.
Off to my work cave around 9. I spend most of my work days at a table in a room above my garage. It has a motel-style heater/air conditioner. It’s loud—a little like an airplane engine revving—and makes things either a little too warm or a little too cool. My dull, windowless regular office never looked so good.
Morning work has been exceedingly dull. Spent most of it working on budget-related matters. This year’s expenditures have been cut significantly because everything from March onward has been cancelled, including my travel and plans for hosting a couple of conferences. Next year’s budget is a black box, so I’m seeking some clarity in order to plan ahead. I know there probably is no clarity yet, but I’m asking for it. Figuring all this out has been slow because I don’t have access to my budget files. I have to use the online reports instead, which aren’t as easily accessible as the file drawer next to my (regular) office desk.
After sitting for two-plus hours at my little table, my legs are stiff. Time for an exercise break. Went downstairs to get some water before exercising. Refrained from asking about dinner plans because that topic is the source of more household conflict—among four adults—than anything else. Will kick that can down the road. Would be great to go out to eat.
Apropos of nothing, I just received this text from my sister: “My work life is a shitshow. And I dumped a glass of water on my laptop. Just sharing my stress.”
Broke for exercise and lunch a little past noon. Spent an hour on a stationary bike, showered, made a quick sandwich and returned to the “office.” While biking I watched some of the Senate hearing with public health officials. Some hopeful things, mostly bracing stuff. The political posturing was annoying. Our President has been an abject disaster in his response to the pandemic and any effort to pretend otherwise is insulting.
After showering, I debated putting on something besides sweats, but decided not to bother. I know I’m not alone.
Back at the desk, I worked on some more budget things, including trying to justify the purchase of a new laptop. I seem to have won that argument but it’s hard to get a clear understanding of what I have as far as a budget. I also got into a back and forth with a program officer about a grant I have for a conference that may need to be postponed for a second time. Everything is pretty much up in the air, which is unsettling, even if it can’t be helped.
Around 4, I began having a problem with MS-Word documents—couldn’t open them because of a permission issue. I’ve had this before—something to do with the fonts preloaded on a Mac when you receive a document created on certain PCs. It throws the whole app off. Microsoft has too much crap loaded into its software that causes these kinds of issues. Spent 45 minutes trying to deal with it in between emails. No resolution. In fact I made it worse, removing some fonts and shutting down Word. It wouldn’t reopen, so I rebooted the computer. Nothing. It seems somehow that I’ve entirely disabled Word. Spent most of an hour to get Word to reopen. Gave up around 5:45. Somehow, haggling about getting a new computer because of budget limitations and having sudden problems with the current machine seems to sum up my day. I get a little agitated when I don’t do much of the more interesting, less bureaucratic kinds of work that my job encompasses.
Went for a walk, about 20 minutes around the neighborhood while listening to a podcast explaining why COVID does more damage to African-Americans and other minorities. Not exactly uplifting after a fairly frustrating day. The good news: there are proven remedies, focused on early childhood, pre-K interventions. Happily, we are trying to do that in this community. Unhappily, this is America and the idea of implementing this proven-to-be-effective approach broadly seems far-fetched.
After the walk, I put some chicken in a marinade and poured a beer. I volunteered to cook to head off the now-standard family drama around what to eat and when to eat. We’ve got a vegetarian in the house, a self-consciously healthy eater/cook, another healthy eater, and me, who if left to my own devices will gravitate toward greasy food washed down by beer. S. volunteered to make a fancy salad—cauliflower, kale, lentils, and homemade dressing. After finishing the beer, I grilled the chicken. B. decided to use a hot sauce marinade for her chicken. I have to admit the fancy salad/ grilled chicken combo was good if not quite at the level of a Five-Guys burger and fries. We sat around the family room and not the table—another feature of our lockdown meals—and discussed, among other things, the distinctions between Tuscan kale and Dino kale. One is curlier but I can’t remember which. Very bougie topic. Anyway, dinner was good and remarkably healthy. It was nice to have a pleasant meal.
After dinner, S. and I split a batch of raspberries, which has been a ritual for the two of us whenever she is home and the raspberries are in season (or reasonably priced in our day of genetically engineered, year-round berries).
The group scattered to their rooms, to work on a paper for school (M.), watch a movie online (B.), and read or watch something (S.). I take another crack at solving the mystery of MS-Word.
Fixed it. The solution was (too) obvious. I just had to update all of my Microsoft Office products, plus clean up duplicate fonts. Took about 45 minutes, but at least I have things back in order.
It’s almost ten so I think I will watch a little TV and call it a day. S. reappears in the kitchen to make banana bread; she likes to bake late in the evening. Can’t complain—I get some sweets I otherwise wouldn’t have.
Watch two episodes of Ozark, Season 2—I’m hooked, I guess. It’s a dark show that seems to fit the moment. Head off to bed around 12.
As I drifted off, I thought about how it feels to me as if we’re just marking time, like a prisoner scratching off the days of his sentence on the wall. These days are not especially satisfying, but at least we’ve taken another step toward getting past this thing. The trouble is, we don’t know whether we just have to endure or, more likely, watch it escalate into a bigger crisis, with more “needless suffering and death.”