September 17, 2018
Dear Diary, I have turned sixty years old on September 15th. And have just been diagnosed with shingles. It is 7:00am. My best friend is here to play music and celebrate with me. She drove out from Pennsylvania. My daughter surprised me with a visit too but she has already flown home to Denver. We had a big celebration with wonderful friends, food and music. Now, I honestly feel like scratching my face off. I rarely talk to a doctor but, I thought this might be a contact dermatitis so I asked for a steroid. He took one look and said I think it’s shingles but, it is so close to your eye (which is my blind eye from a detached retina) I want you to take antibiotics even though shingles is viral. So, there is no relief in sight and, I am nauseated do to the antibiotics.
I have to wake my grandson L who is five. He spends most of his time with us and lets us know daily that he misses his Daddy, We do not have custody but, he gets a much more stability here than with his Mother who depends on the two older siblings to watch him. Still, he misses them too.
Breakfast is oatmeal today with flax and raisins and honey. I have coffee and he has chocolate milk.
I park and walk him in which is counter to the protocol that the other parents and caregivers follow. We both value the short walk and talk ritual each morning and afternoon. He is in the Spanish learning program at Westview Elementary School.
8:00 am. I have to cancel appointments today. I cannot work.
10:00am. I slept an additional two hours. B is up now. She makes her own tea and eggs while I lay on the couch and cry and then just moan because the tears burn. She sang to me and convinced me not to wallow in my sorrow.
12:30pm. We take a walk. It is too hot for my rash. I dont last long. I do a few chores and she chats with a partner back home.
2:45pm. I pick up L. I told him that he would be going home to his Moms today but, then I get a text from her asking me to keep him. I feel very depressed and worry about his emotional wellbeing. This is difficult to explain to my life long girlfriend who has never had children. Aren’t you enabling his Mom she says? Well I say I suppose that I am but, his safety is in question. I think he is a brilliant loving child but, I was not expecting to be raising another child at my age. My new husband takes it all in stride I say so, I just count our blessings and try to learn new songs whenever I can find the time.
4:30pm. B makes pesto from the basil in my garden. I steam some green beans that i picked last week and then i boil the skin from a couple of beets. I only need two. My husband told me that he would eat his vegies if I would marry him all except beets that is. I made a cheeseburger for L.
We are having an open jam tonight at 7pm.
We played music into the night. My friends are so talented and caring. I really am rich with love. It is impossible to feel your pain when youre singing and playing.