Wednesday May 15, 2019
7am.
I meditate first thing in the morning. The Transcendental Meditation Technique is as effortless as thinking any other thought. As the day begins I welcome this moment of reflection. Today is an extra busy day filled with activities that are not part of my usual routine. I am chaperoning my six year old grandson’s kindergarten class to the Fort Wayne zoo and this evening our string band plays downtown Muncie at the Elm Street Brewery. I have already been receiving texts from people who want to see me for bodywork and massage today. People tend to hurt themselves doing extra work during these warm spring days. I feel a pang of guilt at my choice to take a day away from work to enjoy my grandson and my husband and, I admit to feeling scatterbrained this morning. I spent the years that my own children were growing up trying to make and save every penny now, I am determined to let go of those pangs of negative self-talk and try my best to be present and to enjoy every moment with those who I love. Sorting the priorities is the task at hand.
I will fix a couple of egg sandwiches for L. and I this morning and get going in about forty minutes. I think I will try take a few notes on my phone today while we are at the zoo and add them to the diary later.
5pm.
That did not happen. I did not take notes.
It’s been a very full day. I was late getting L. to school because I presumed that we would be arriving at the school just before leaving on the field trip. The children are supposed to be there at the usual time. The secretary asked if I overslept and, I said no, I was just confused. There goes another pang of guilt.
My Grandson is a very active and outgoing six year old. His teacher matches me with two very active and outgoing girls to chaperone through the zoo. The three of us literally race around during the one and one half hour that we have before they get back on the bus for the ninety minute ride back to the school. L. and I stayed at the zoo another couple of hours and had a lovely easy paced visit with the animals. We wondered if they could survive in Indiana if they were turned loose. I think not but, I wonder.
We pick up A. and his girlfriend at different houses in Albany before coming home to Muncie. A. is my son’s older child who has a different Mother. I have been taking them to dinner together on Wednesdays since before there Daddy died.
This Wednesday night gig for our band is creating a little drama for us. I reluctantly agree to drive the extra hour so that the teenagers can go to our show rather than switch to the alternative a Friday Night dinner out. I spontaneously and while driving call my eighty-three year old Dad and invite him to spend the evening with us to look after his great grandchildren and have dinner while I play.
My step mother died following an eighteen month illness on the Friday following Easter. She was nine years younger than Dad. I am my Dad’s second born child and, the middle child. We lost my brother twenty years ago to a motorcycle accident while intoxicated. He really was a brilliant craftsman and a good friend to my Dad. It’s been a year and a half since my son died. My sister who is three years younger than I am was on life support and antibiotics to treat sepsis for three days just one month before my Dads wife of forty-one years died. It’s a lot for my Dad who still runs his own business videoing horse shows and dance performances to handle. So, this is where I step in. I am working tirelessly to help him to get organized so that his life will run a little smoother.
6:30pm.
Dad arrives and I change clothes and add some jewelry and dash to Elm Street Brewery where my husband is already set up. We do a quick sound check and play for two hours of mostly cover songs and a few of J.’s originals. We are well received especially by Lu. the six year old, who was able to sit in his seat for about an hour and sing along a little. My Dad takes the kids to my house awhile I finish up. I am famished and pretty tired. It is 9:45pm. And I still have an hour or more of time on the road to take the big kids home and, I am very late getting L. to bed. I skip the story. There is the guilt again.
Tomorrow is going to be a beautiful day. I look forward to a normal day of massage therapy, a yoga class and dinner with my husband and grandson. I am truly grateful for each and every breath. Life is precious