My October 4 journal:
Everyday Life in Middletown
October 4, 2023
The Everyday Life of Middletown crew has seen fit to ask me to journal on the day of my colonoscopy. I LOVE being 45 now! I do apologize now for probably TMI, but today is the day I was asked to write about!
12:55am – My alarm goes off and I am immediately struck with dread – of having to drink another half-gallon of gatorade laced with laxatives. I already did this at 6pm, just a few hours ago, and now I have to wake up, after being asleep for an hour and a half, to do it again. I am so tired and I feel disgusting – painfully full. I have to be awake at 7 to be at the hospital at 7:40 for the procedure. I have no idea how much sleep I am going to get until then. I have to drink 1 cup every 15 minutes for 2 hours. While I’m doing this, GF is up with me; she actually didn’t go to sleep at 11 when I set my alarm. She laid there until I passed out, then got up. I came out into the living room and saw she was playing Baldur’s Gate 3. She took a picture of me at every 15-minute dose, and you can see me slowly sliding into despair with each one. I don’t handle being awake very well after I should be asleep. In-between trips to the bathroom, I watch her play her game. She is such a good sport to keep me company, and to try and make it as bearable as possible. I’m pretty lucky.
2:50am – After finishing the last bit of it, I head back to bed. Setting the alarm for 7, if I’m lucky, I will get a further 4 hours of sleep, which is really more than I was expecting to get. I thought I’d be up and down all night to the bathroom. But no, I was exhausted enough, I fell right out. And when the alarm went off again, I realized I did get that whole 4 hours.
7am – Quickly I got up, got dressed, and fed the cats. After the last 18 hours, I was excited that I was in the final stretch. While I wasn’t particularly excited about needles or any of that, I was kind of curious how it would go – I have never been a patient in a hospital before, so it was kind of a new life experience.
7:40am – We arrived at the hospital right on time, checking in to the outpatient desk exactly at 7:40. After filling out a little paperwork, it was only about 30 seconds until I got called back. I was expecting there to be a lot more waiting. But that is probably only my experience waiting in an emergency room talking. I am led to a prep room, where I change into the gown, hop onto a bed, and get stuck for an I.V. Getting it in the back of your hand really smarts. I was kind of taken aback by just how many staff were in my room doing something or another. I counted at least 8. They were all very nice, kind of joking around with me and stuff – I think they could tell I was nervous. I explained to one of the nurses that I have never been put under anesthesia before, and given my known control issues, I was finding it hard to enter into a situation where I was not 100% lucid and had 100% ability to make decisions on anything that I might do. (I didn’t explain it all like that to them, but I did explain I was a little nervous). They understood, and told me it’s be like having a nice little nap for a bit. The anesthesiologist came in, and was funny – this amiable (I am guessing gay) guy talking about how he is here to roofie me. He said something like “You are going to get roofied, then you will wake up with a little bit of a sore butt.” I loved that, and leaned into it, I replied “Sounds like my 20s! And just like then, today I’m just going to go for brunch afterward!” The anesthesiologist and GF both chuckled.” FInally it was time to roll me back into the procedure.
8:30am – The gastroenterologist is sitting there waiting for me as I get pushed in. The anesthesiologist is as well, along with a nurse. Again, everyone is very nice and friendly, and everything is set. I am so tired that I find myself not caring about the whole “losing control” thing. I remember saying “It’s ok; a nap sounds good right now.”, that’s the last thing I remember until…
9am – I hear someone say “Wake Up!” (in a friendly way, again). I could tell under my eyelids that the lights were a lot brighter than before, and I opened them to see a clock on the opposite wall in a new room, now, reading 9am. Just like they were saying before, it took them about a half hour to do the procedure. I felt fine, not even woozy. GF was there smiling, and a nurse came in asking if I wanted some juice. The doctor came in and said everything looked great, with no issues. I was in a great mood, and was joking about how the procedure didn’t feel as major as I was thinking it might: “I have had more going on back there recreationally!” I learned later that the nurse kind of sighed at that. I was really surprised I wasn’t more out of it from the anesthesia. They gave me a few minutes to get dressed, then they insisted I get pushed out of the building in a wheelchair. I was surprised at how not-drugged I felt. I was pretty much fine, except that predictably, I was starving.
9:45am – GF swung us through the McDonald’s drive-thru, and I had what has since become known as my McMoment. I know it’s trash food, but I really didn’t care in the moment. She stayed up with me, just making sure I was OK. She really is too good for me, doting all on me and making sure I’m ok.
11a – But pretty soon she crashed. I ended up tucking her into bed for a late-morning nap. After the night she had, staying up with me, I don’t blame her. She is the one who felt bad that she was pooping out on me! I told her that was silly, and she needed some rest. So she passed out, with instructions to get her up by 1, and I left her to it, while I watched a movie for my 31 Days of Horror – it was an ‘80s thing from Iceland that I found on Shudder. By the end of that, and even though I already had breakfast, I was famished again for lunch. Right on time, she woke up at 1 (she could have, of course, slept as much as she wanted, but 1pm it was), and she, needing to take care of me, asked what I needed – I said “chicken tenders!”, like a 7-year old.
1:30p – We pull up to Raising Cane’s. Man, I hate how many chains I have been to today; I will do better tomorrow! We make our order, and take our seats out on the patio. Even though it is right on McGalliard, it was nice to be out in the sun and relatively-fresh air. The New Orleans-esque street names put into the sidewalk are always cute, even though I know it’s just a branding thing for that chain. It reminds me of when I was down there in 2017, and I saw those street signs for real. As we were eating, a disabled white pickup truck is causing a back-up right out on the street there. It looks like it ran out of gas or something. This older guy was struggling to push the truck over, to make the right-hand turn at the light, where the Starbucks is. Suddenly this other guy runs out from inside Raising Canes, and goes to help. I suggest that I’d run out too but I am exhausted. GF said she wouldn’t let me anyway, given the state I’m in. A couple of Mormons also venture out to see what they can do in their white shirts and ties. But the 1 guy is enough to get the truck over onto the side street. All finished there, we went to Target – the cats are out of food as of earlier that morning. We make a quick trip there, and get the food, as well as GF getting an unreasonable amount of cute socks. (She has a socks thing) We were back at home by 3.
3p – So, all of this hospital business was finished by lunchtime, which gave me a chance to rest up and stuff at home, which is exactly where I wanted to be anyway today, as I am something of a baseball nerd, and my favorite team is playing a playoff game today at 4:30. They lost their first one, and they have to win today to avoid being eliminated. I settle in, and catch the first hour and a half of the preceding game that started at 3. I am paying for 1 month of Sling TV so I can catch the games. The MLB.TV package I get every year does not include the postseason. (Apologies for boring everyone with sports stuff.) The game goes incredibly badly; my team cannot hit, and the manager makes a terrible decision to pull the starting pitcher, who is having the game of his life. The move backfires, and we lose 2-0, and are sent home for the winter. I feared this would happen – they showed all of the problem behavior we saw all year from them – stupid baserunning, not hitting with runners on base, and questionable managerial decisions.
7p – By 7pm, I am too annoyed with it to think about it anymore, so we start another 31 Days of Horror movie – this time, GF selects “Sleepaway Camp 2”. It was a lot of fun! But I was wiped out by the end of it. It’s fun that GF is getting into the spirit of that with me. She has decorated the apartment with a ton of spoopy tchotchkes. We still need to carve that pumpkin rolling around in the back seat of her car!
9:45 – By 9:45, the long day had caught up with both of us, and we headed back to bed, passing out hard. Luckily, I took off tomorrow, Thursday. It should prove to be a nice day to myself before heading back to work on Friday.