Diary Day 2018 April 27
2 AM I awake from a dream and record it. I keep a pad of paper with a pen in the top drawer of my night stand. I do not turn on a light because I don’t want to wake up. I write it down and it goes like this:
I check into a Bed and Breakfast and with me I have a very cheap gun with no bullets. I think it may deter a threatening person if I show it and can buffalo my way through the situation. I hear a horse and buggy coming with a man and woman dressed as an Amish couple. Somehow I know they are impostors and I decide I must shoot to kill if I’m to survive. I get a rifle down from the wall and shoot at the woman. I miss. I know now she is the owner of the Bed and Breakfast. Another man and woman has followed the first couple here. They call me on the phone and report they’ve followed the other couple and that her daughter works for the B & B.
End of the dream.
I intend to take this one to my dream group to discuss this when next we meet. I go back to sleep. I resist writing dreams in the middle of the night usually because I prefer to keep sleeping. I write this dream down because it seems bizarre and that there must be some meaning within it. I may need to pay attention to it.
6:30 AM I wake up and go pee. I brush my teeth, shower with my husband, shave and dress. It’s difficult to wake up but I look forward to meeting with my financial advisor later this morning. I think about my appointment and mentally check if I have gathered the information I need. My advisor has become a friend and I like to catch up with him and what’s going on in his world. I discuss with my husband if he can receive FAXed information if my advisor needs to send something. He says he can .
6:45 AM I fry three eggs in our cast iron skillet. Our eggs are from our 31 chickens which are laying about 24 eggs a day.
6:50 AM I eat my eggs and drink a cup of coffee while listening to National Public Radio (NPR) for news and weather. I listen regularly to the news and mostly I’m disgusted with the way our “president” acts, his seemingly unthinking way he responds to issues, the drama he brings into the government and into the nation, his disregard for people and the general public, his high interest in money-making and the interests of big business. The list goes on. I listen to be aware of changes in our nation and what it means personally for me as a gay man, a minority.
7:00 AM I sew blocks together by hand for a “Tumbling Block” table runner I’ve designed. I’m taking a quilting class in High Street United Methodist’s Adult Learning program. This is one class, along with three others, I’m attending. I hear on the news a discussion about DNA testing and the current debate over using this bank of information to link past sexual criminal behavior that may have happened years ago and early in one’s life to someone who is now in their older years. The comedian, Bill Cosby, was convicted yesterday on an incident that happened 30 years ago. Another case of a Southern California man, Joseph Dean DeAngelo, known as the “Golden State Killer”, who allegedly raped and murdered several women in the 60’s and 70’s who is also in his eighties is being prosecuted. Each are looking at prison time. The interest in DNA testing for the public brings up ethical issues needing to be legally discussed. My thought is that this is an example of the adage, “Our sins will find us out.” How we treat people all through our lives and how we use our power follows and catches up with us much of the time.
7:30 AM I poop and read a magazine article so as not to waste time sitting.
7:40 AM I go out to the barn to let our chickens out into their yard and let out our two geese. The geese roam over the acre area in front of the barn. They honk and make lots of noise rejoicing, I’m imagining, to get out into the wider natural space they were born to live in. They forage green grass and dandelions. I check the water and feed of chickens and geese. I throw corn to the chickens and they come running, some flying. I feed the geese corn by hand. I head for the house, get the morning New York Times newspaper from the mailbox, and read the headlines at the dining room table. I also read any article that catches my eye.
8:00 AM As I wash dishes I think about Bill Cosby and other one-time national leaders and celebrities, such as church leaders Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker of the PTL Club in the ’70’s and Jimmy Swaggart, the evangelist who ranted against promiscuity, homosexuality and many other determined “ungodly sins”. Both preached “Godliness” and “Holy Living”. One was convicted of soliciting funds for charity only to be found using them for his personal gain and the other for having a sexual affair, which he preached against, on the side.
I thought about my friend who recently stated she wants to follow a pastor and believe that what he or she says is “gospel”. I think of the Reverend Franklin Graham, Billy Graham’s son, who preaches against homosexuality and, in my opinion, encourages hate toward Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Trans people. I believe we can not “follow” anyone without remembering all of us, no matter what social, religious or political status we carry, are infallible and capable of dis-honesty and wrong-doing, including clergy. As a cleric, I am well aware of temptations I have faced, the wish to rationalize the things I want to do in the immediate, but that may sabotage what I really want in the end.
8:25 AM I pour another cup of coffee, then wash yesterday’s eggs. After washing twenty-one of them, I bleach out the sink and scrubber.
8:40 AM I drink my now cold coffee and sew more on my “Tumbling Block” table runner.
9:20 AM I leave for Anderson, IN to meet with my financial advisor. It’s a 45 minute drive from my house and I listen to NPR’s Morning Musicale. Two pieces played were “The Lake and the Mountains” by Rafe Von Williams and “The Broken Consort”. I didn’t get the name of the musician playing the recorder on the last piece. Both are beautiful.
10:05 AM I arrive at our meeting place to find my advisor already there. He is usually late but this time he arrived early to return to Indy to take his daughter to an appointment. I usually arrive early, but am late today. I feel bad and apologize. He is forgiving. We briefly talk about his health, coping with raising his daughter as a single parent, my travel to Pennsylvania over the weekend. I order coffee and a cranberry-orange muffin and we talk business. He is very helpful. I respect his honesty, expertise and value his friendship.
11:00 AM I drive home and listen to NPR on Muncie and Ft. Wayne stations. The timing of their programing is different for each. This hour the Muncie station plays Morning Musicale and the Ft. Wayne station plays Morning Edition (news).
11:40 AM I arrive home and decide to take a nap on the couch. I seldom nap, but today I feel relaxed enough to acquiesce to being tired.
12:00 PM I awake, change clothes and go out to pick up sticks in the yard that have fallen during the winter. I pick up along the road, side yard and another portion of the yard. I don’t necessarily enjoy this, but I know it must be done before the grass needs cutting. I have much more yard to cover in front of the barn that I do not get to.
1:10 PM I go into the house to make lunch. We’re running out of food in the refrigerator. I am not very imaginative when it comes to meals and food preparation. Often my husband prepares a soup or casserole that lasts most of the week. I simply warm it up and add what I can to the meal. Today I set out cheese from the freezer and a frozen casserole put aside in the past. This will be for tonight. For this meal I heat up a can each of spinach and clam chowder and plan to scramble eggs when he arrives.
1:30 PM My husband arrives home. I finished heating the spinach and clam chowder. I scramble eggs. While we eat we talk about my morning’s appointment. I catch up on his day thus far. We coordinate times to leave tonight to usher at Muncie Civic Theater. We drink a cup of hot tea at the end of the meal.
2:20 PM My husband leaves to return to work. I walk out to the car with him and we comment on the sunshine and spring growth of colors. Our daffodils are blooming yellows, oranges, whites. Beautiful! Out our back door are two large patches of daffodils planted four years ago as a birthday present from my husband. I wave to him as he drives off. I get mail from the mail box.
2:30 PM I called a para-legal I’m working with and left a message for her to return my call. I go outside to pick up more sticks and to mow the grass. At the barn I climb into the mow to check on the condition. I have not been up there since last fall. I hear noises of some creatures in bales of stacked straw. I walk over and carefully poke around a bit. There are three or four maybe. Sounds like baby animals but I cannot identify their sounds. I suspect it may be raccoons or possum. I see no movement and all becomes quiet as I poke. I’m careful not to injure what’s inside. I leave, planning to monitor them to see what is there later.
3:40 PM I work on my table runner. My para-legal returns a call and we talk business. She is helpful. I drink a cup of tea.
4:25 PM We have a finch feeder outside the dining room window. It’s the kind finch have to eat up-side down. It’s active much of the time with finch vying for a perch to eat. It’s empty and I fill it with thistle seed. I go out to the barn to gather eggs. I put the lawn equipment in the barn. I notice our stray black cat we’ve been trying to befriend. It’s good to have a cat in the barn to keep down the number of mice. Mice eat the chicken pellets at night and generally make a mess. I put out dry cat food on the floor and sit quietly on the riding lawn mower while the cat eats. He or she comes fairly close to me to get to the food. I talk to it quietly to help it feel non-threatened by my voice and presence.
5:00 PM I tire of waiting and leave with slow motions trying not to scare the cat. Once in the house I start supper of salmon, spinach, eggs and diced tomatoes. The casserole is still frozen. I make a spinach and tomato sauce to go over the scrambled eggs and salmon. I listen to the news on NPR as I cook. The news is about the current meeting of North Korean and South Korean leaders.
5:45 PM My husband arrives home from work. We talk about his afternoon and I tell him of mine. We eat and change clothes.
6:15 PM We leave for Muncie. It’s a fifteen mile drive into town. Following a volunteer assignment, we’re both looking forward to attending Muncie Civic theatre and seeing the show, “Peter and the Star Catcher”. We did not reserve seats, so we sit in different rows because we take any open seat available. We sit close to the front. During intermission we change seats where we can sit together. This is much more enjoyable than sitting apart. We laugh and enjoy the show. There are many very funny scenes and lines. The audience responds well to the actors. On our way home we talk about the parts we enjoyed most.
10:30 PM At home we feel wide awake and ready to eat something. Ice cream, Moose Tracks, makes a great pre-bedtime snack. While eating we work on a crossword puzzle together. We get tired and stop our puzzle.
11:30 PM After brushing teeth, taking daily vitamins and preparing for bed, we snuggle beside each other. Soon we’re both asleep feeling safe and confident that as long as we’re together “all is well with the world”.