September 24, 2020
First diary entry since late spring, and today I come to you from an actual workspace in my regular place of business. We are in the midst of an employee survey this week, and one of its themes is, ‘what do you value most?’ Aside from all of the platitudes about opportunities to serve and help in my community, blah, blah… the earnest side of me also replies, basely more elegantly worded for professional purposes, that I just feel lucky right now to have a goddam job that provides food and shelter for my family right now.
There are other “luxuries.” I like to recreate outside, and we’ve had spectacular late summer and fall weather to enjoy, and hopefully avoid being back inside to spread illness and disease. A sports fan, I’m getting to enjoy some championship chases in professional baseball and basketball, and some other contests which the pandemic denied us most of the spring. My son and I have tentative plans to play golf this evening. All fun diversions, but they all feel like “bread and circuses” to me right now.
A confession: I did always want to live in “interesting times.” Be careful what you wish for, I guess.
I sometimes feel like an observer in much of this… I’m fortunate my own employment has continued, and I’ve had the added luxury of being able to set aside in case it does not. With a good deal of despair or at least discomfort around me, I feel left to observe and help where I can. I can take care of my family; educating and feeding and hopefully nurturing soon-to-be-productive adult citizens. I can go to work and hopefully provide some services to those in need. I can try to talk up the spirits of those around me… yet I don’t feel I can relate. I have a good friend whose 2020 has literally been a tide of hardship. Health, security, safety and peace of mind, all things we take for granted, has been in constant doubt, much of it simultaneously.
On the other hand, good fortune has not just maintained my own job in these times, but an additional one. Late last year, I signed up to help collect the Census, figuring it would be good experience in my own work, (community outreach) would be beneficial to those around me, and provide a little extra over the course of the summer. And it has been rewarding: A glimpse of how many in my community live, in case I needed a refresher in the true benefits of education, social experience and appreciation of diversity and worldliness; how inefficient and careless with money our government can be, despite the dependence of many on its efficiency and good stewardship of funds; and how we can, yet again, politicize the tiniest of things: As I write this, we will wrap up our enumeration duties in the next few days. Normally this information is collected from mid-spring until the end of October. Obviously the start was significantly delayed this year, and our data collection will wrap up early as well. How this will affect accurate counting of areas most in need of school, road and other infrastructure and public funds, which are also historically the most underrepresented and mistrustful of government agencies like the Census, I’ll leave you to determine based on your own political beliefs.
After a summer of social turmoil, today also brings fresh wounds. Even our instinctive judgement is cast into doubt due to conflicting stories in the media, and we’re unsure who to trust. Naturally turning, as usual, to our pre-conceived biases and social beliefs. We want to base our judgement in faith in our institutions, like law enforcement and news reporting. Well, both have been shown to shade truth or outright lie in service to their own biases and agendas. We want to believe and have empathy for victims, yet others insist that victim to be to blame for their own “bad” choices, if not an outright criminal.
Yes, interesting times.
In a normal year, a fall election might promise some relief or change in our mindset. This fall’s election is expected to deliver even more division, mistrust in our institutions, if not outright societal anarchy. Corruption and naked self-service in the political class is nothing new. Fortunately, there has been a majority of society historically willing to step in and check blatant abuses of power. Presently, our ever-festering tribalism has ensnared, more people than ever it seems, those willing to cast aside their own value systems in an attempt to hang onto or gain what so many feel they are lacking in 2020… control.
This easily feels like my most pessimistic, “downer” of a post, one which is less personal and taking of a wider view. While I consider my own glass to be perpetually half-full, the realist in me demands to reflect the outlook of society around me, like any good social commentator would for assignment. And the realistic truth is, things are looking bleak.
My friend compared these newest waves of upheaval to the descending the drain of the toilet 2020 has been. Ever the realist, I replied that while a good flush is needed and wanted, I think we’re just backed up right now… and there’s no plunger in sight.
Self-care is important. Always take gratitude and fortune in the things you have. Be also mindful of those who do not.
ADDENDUM 9/25/20: I found out late last evening that I have been in close contact with someone who may or may not be Covid-positive. As of this writing this morning, I have gotten my first-ever Covid test and await its results, and while not feeling poorly or even remotely ill, now anticipating a weekend of inside ennui. Stay tuned…