Diary 9/17/18
Slept restlessly and bolted up when the city came to empty the dumpsters at 5:45 am. They are outside our window, and it’s always loud and wakes you up.
It was hard to go back to sleep. My cat is dying, and we’re trying to decide when the right time to put him down is. I could hear his squeaky cough as I tried to go back to sleep. Finally, I did, though.
Got up at the regular time, around 7:30. Got coffee and breakfast going, fed the cats, scooped the cat litter, fed Bu.—my sick cat—his wet food separately in the bathroom. He was on the bed when I woke back up, which surprised me. He was there asking for food, and he ate it, so that’s positive. He’s so up and down right now.
Contacts, shower, weigh-in, get dressed, brush teeth. I decide to skip make-up. Just not feeling it today, and I don’t teach.
I walk to the bus and while I’m waiting I call the vet. Of course, the vet himself is busy all day, but I tell the person on the phone how Bu. is doing and leave a message. I feel like there’s really not much they can say or advice they can give. He’s my kitty since I found him 14 years ago, and I know the decision is mine to make. It’s a lot of pressure, and I just feel heavy.
Get on the bus and go to school where I type up and observation report and meet with a TA who is doing a great job. Then another TA stops in with some absolutely mind-blowing news. I’m going to have a hard time not sharing, but I know it’s hers to share. I do text one of my best friends, though.
Worked on class prep for tomorrow and touched base with a colleague, M. She put her dog down this summer. She said she’s still having a hard time vacuuming the closet where there are still some of his fur-balls.
D, the friend I texted, gives me a quick call about the news I shared and to read over a review he is writing. He’s worried about coming off okay in a rejection letter.
Reading over the new strategic plan for the university. It looks so good in some ways, but I see so much language related to some larger educational initiatives that concern me. It’s really all in the implementation, I think, whether these changes are positive or not.
Click over to Google Photos to see a few new pictures of my baby niece. And google photos has automatically made a “meow movie” of cat pictures. Thanks Google Photos, I needed my heartstrings pulled on more right now.
Lunch with my work bff. Having trouble re-focusing afterwards. Scrolling through social media, and I see that someone has composed a list of sexual harassers/misconduct at universities. I scroll through and find one from my undergrad that I know. I heard about it at the time—it lists the first incident in 1997, when I was there. I had him for a couple of history classes. I was surprised by the news, and at that time it wasn’t much of a discussion, just a “huh.” I didn’t really think a lot about. Sad thing is it looks like it continued. Like whoever came forward in 1997 wasn’t listened to because 2013 is the last date listed, and it looks like he resigned then. So, yeah. Meanwhile, there are three profs from BSU listed, and one says he killed himself during the proceedings.
I want to go home now, but I have office hours, and I canceled them last week to take Bu. to the vet. So, here I sit. Finally settle into doing more course prep for tomorrow. Decide to head home at 2 pm. I usually leave at 3 on Mondays, but I have nothing official scheduled and I want to check on Bu. Colleague M is leaving at the same time and offers to give me a ride. Part of me would rather ride the bus because routine and alone time sound nice, but she is parked nearby, and it is nice to offer, so I take her up on it. Also, she complimented me on my dress earlier, which was sweet. When we arrive, I show her my place. Bu. comes to greet her and is hungry, so he seems to be doing better—for now. I know it’s only for now, but I’ll take it, even though it makes things harder, in a way. I feed him, and he eats better than he has for a week. Maybe he’ll be okay for a bit yet. We keep getting him steroid shots that keep him going. It’s been a week, so maybe it’s kicked in finally. But is this the right way to go? Just keep pumping him full of the meds? For how long?
Got some prints of pictures in the mail and start putting them in the frames I have. They came a bit bent, so that’s annoying. Do email and a few other things before I get ready to meet my friend B. for swimming at the Y. It’s been good to swim with someone so that we keep each other accountable.
I get the Y, and it looks like B. is already in the pool. That’s fine. It just reminds me that I’m still working on norms of behavior that aren’t co-dependent. I’ve beaten her to pool the last few times and always waited to get in, and always wondered if I should be waiting or not, which at least once meant we lost our chance at a good lane. Have a good 30-minute swim. In my opinion, my new fitness tracker doesn’t give me enough points for that, but so it goes. It was a fairly cheap one, and it is keeping me more active. I hardly talk to B, just a few minutes, and then head home where I draw a bath to scrub off the chlorine and relax a bit. Baby Boy cat loves the smell of chlorine. I got a cute video of him last week rubbing all over me when I came back with it in my hair. This time he starts rubbing all over my swimsuit.
Put my dress back on and get started on dinner. I’m making Alton Brown’s meatloaf recipe that I haven’t made in years, but it sounded good. I’m only making a small one, though. So, I put on some music and get that started. While it’s cooking I come to write on this and check the Internet and Bu. sits in my lap for a while.
My wife gets home and we talk for a few about our days. Then I prep mashed potatoes and corn to go with the meatloaf. A very Midwestern meal, but when I cut the meatloaf open it’s not at all done. Oops. Time to read for class a bit while it cooks longer. I can’t wait to get a new oven. Now that the wife is home, she’s playing the new Spiderman game as I read. I think about how I wish I’d added the questions from the chapter to the blog post homework for tomorrow, but how I might be able to still incorporate them into the larger assignment.
I hear back via text from a friend who had been out of the country when I texted her last week. We’re chatting about Sharp Objects, which I told her she’d like. She said the first episode was a little dark for her, but she started reading the book and may go back to the show. I don’t talk too long because… Finally, the meatloaf is done.
It’s fine, but the wife doesn’t like it. She doesn’t really like meatloaf, but she was willing to try it. No wonder I haven’t made the recipe in like five years. But I thought it was pretty good, so I’ll eat the leftovers. And showing a way I’m getting better about the co-dependence, I don’t feel bad about enjoying it when she doesn’t. We eat dinner at the table. Sometimes on Mondays we watch John Oliver, but we don’t watch TV every night with dinner the way we used to. Now that we don’t work together, it’s a good way to chat for a few. We used to have lunch together when we worked together.
After dinner, she wants to go back to her game for a bit, but then hang out. So, I do the dishes and put away leftovers. I go ahead and make my lunch for tomorrow, which is unusual, but I needed the Tupperware container to put everything away. After this, she’s ready to hang out.
We play Castles of Burgundy, which is currently my favorite board game. It’s rare that I get to play a game multiple times in a short time span, but I played this Saturday AND the Saturday before. So, I’m feeling confident in knowing it. Maybe I can beat her. I think about how nice her new hair color looks with the dress she’s wearing.
The vet calls late, around 7:30 when we are on our second turn. I love our vet, and I tell him how Bu. has been doing. He says it’s not good, of course, but not to let one bad day do it. He says think about if there are more bad days—more like this weekend than today. He also said eating is a big sign because cats love to eat. And Bu. cat is eating well today. So, we wait and see how he does a few more days. I think about texting K, who cat sat this summer because I’d texted him earlier in the day and told him it was bad and that he might want to stop by. I’ve told several people that today because it’s been on my mind. So, up and down. We’ll see what tomorrow brings. I’m definitely guessing he won’t be in the next EDLM diary, though.
Back to the game, she gets way ahead of me early, but I catch up toward the end. Not enough to beat her, but a decent competition. And she didn’t beat my top score, only tied it. I know this because I’m now using a board game tracking app. Yes, yes, I know, all the tracking. Did I tell you I got a fitness watch that can go in the water? So, I tracked my swim today, too. And I tracked my work hours, still, except lunch which was kind of work and kind of not. I’m not sure if all this tracking is good or bad. At least I’m not tracking my calories. That went over the line into driving me a bit nuts. I did take a 1 second video of her during the game, for which she threw some silver pieces at me. There are a lot of those videos.
After we clean up the game, wife wants to go for a walk. I remember that we need to check the place in the building where our AC and furnace units are located. I live downtown in a condo, and we are in the process of buying it after renting for 2 years. We are getting a home inspection on Weds, and we’ve never looked to see where the units are or if they are clearly labeled so we know which one is ours. We find the door to the furnaces, which is unlocked. It’s a bit creepy in there, I think, all exposed beams and duct work. We go through and look and many units have labels, but not ours. By process of elimination, we think we know which one it is, but we aren’t positive. So, I’ll have to see if I can find that out tomorrow from the person who lived here before. Then we go upstairs to the AC units, which are across from the rooftop deck. Now that is even creepier because as we are going up the stairs we notice that the folding table that is usually up there is knocked over on the stairs. The umbrella for the table up there is also knocked over and the trash can with trash all over. And the door going out to the AC units, which is never open—it is across from the door to the deck—is wide open. It’s broken. And of course, it’s now like 9:15 at night and pitch dark out there. We peek out tentatively, and then go back for our cell phones for both safety and the flashlight. We each shine a cell phone light in different directions and head out onto the roof. No one there, so we head over and try to find numbers on the AC units. Nothing there either.
It’s weird, the mess and broken door. Like someone was running from the cops on our roof. Or maybe I’ve seen too many action films. It’s been a bit of a weird day, I guess. On the way back down, we knock on our neighbor’s door. She takes care of building related things, including enforcing the rules. She doesn’t answer, so we debate cleaning up the mess, but I say we should wait in case it’s needed as evidence or something. So, we go ahead and go for more of a walk downtown, down to Canan Commons and then back up to Jackson and back home. I ask my wife if she wants me to stick with her because I have a bit more to do tonight. We knock on our neighbor’s door, I text her, and my wife goes upstairs and cleans up the mess while I feed Bu. again and write this diary sitting at the kitchen table. She takes pictures of the mess and our neighbor texts me to let me know she’ll get back to me tomorrow.
I look over the last bit of reading for class tomorrow. It’s nice to be teaching the same thing as last year and feel pretty good about it. Thank you, last year’s self for making a power point over this reading and highlighting key passages. I’m pretty confident I still have this one down.
I’m hearing music that doesn’t sound like video game music. It’s nice classical. I think maybe my wife is being romantic, and she has a candle lit, too, but she just did it for herself to sit and relax and read. Ha. That’s marriage.
Bu. ate quite a bit of this can of cat food, which was a bit larger than the one earlier. I try to get him to eat the final bit, but he doesn’t, so I give it to the other two cats, who always wait at the door hoping for a chance like this. Overall, he’s eaten well today, though. He’s just lying on the bathmat looking pretty tired now, though.
I remember my idea from earlier about adding the part from the reading to the larger assignment for class. So, I go and do that on Canvas and add me thinking about it this diary since I just remember that. It’s funny, it terms of tracking via the apps and tracking via this (I mean, this is a sort of tracking, is it not?)… anyway, I’m thinking about how that represents our work. I know work has been a theme of EDLM. And I haven’t tracked these smaller reading chunks or thinking chunks in my app. This shows how they jump around. How they fill the space in between things, a that is inherently difficult to track with any sort of app. Even hear, only a fraction of my thoughts get represented, and those thoughts then start to come as I write because writing is thinking, and so, it’s difficult to say where one ends and the other begins.
I feel like I miss the small moments with my wife when I write this, and that makes me a little sad, but however benign they are, they seem more private. Like how when I was writing this she snuck playful around the corner, and how I felt affectionate seeing her. She’s very playful when she’s in a good mood, and unless I’m in a really bad mood, it’s nice.
Responding to a few more messages and then plugging in my laptop and phone and heading to get ready for bed and read. Put my shoes away. Tidying is a daily thing. I used to live in a messy place, but that’s what it takes not to. Set the coffee pot for morning. Take out contacts. Brush teeth. Evening meds. All the a.m. in reverse basically.
Reading the 2nd Book of the Raksura. This is a good series. I’m in a better mood than I started out today at least.