My Saturday begins at 6:00am. Not what I intended. My husband is already awake and showering so he can be at work at a coffee shop downtown by 7. He usually works a shift there on Saturdays starting around 10am, but today he was scheduled extra early which he’s not used to. He’s not happy to be up so early, but he wakes and showers and gets ready for work gracefully.
His alarm wasn’t what woke me up. It was my stupid pillow. Every morning this week, I’ve found myself tossing and turning, with neck and shoulder pain from what feels to be a deflating pillow.
Fascinating, I know, dear Diary Reader. But I spent $18 on this pillow. That’s a lot of money for a sack of fluff, and it has been kind to me until this week, it seems.
I get out of bed and make my coffee and pet my dogs. I can’t get into the bathroom (tiny house, one bathroom) because of Husband in there showering, so I just hang out patiently. I text him to let him know I can’t sleep and he apologizes: “I was really hoping my alarm wouldn’t wake you up, love!”
He is always so concerned that I don’t sleep enough. But to be fair, in spite of all the early mornings, this has been a record week of sleep for me. 7 hours per night in a row since Tuesday! Wow!
My 7-year-old daughter is not home this weekend. She’s in another city 2 hours away with her dad and stepmom. She didn’t get to visit them at all last month, as her grandma (her dad’s mom) passed away and they were busy keeping vigil, in a sense. Her dad and stepmom were very excited to have her and she was excited to go, as well.
Which means this morning, and all day today, I can do what I want!
At no point this morning will my daughter wake up and call out for me, at no point will I have to leave this couch to make her breakfast. Sure, I miss her, but it’s so nice to not have any demands on me right now whatsoever. You underestimate the openness and freedom that comes with being able to do whatever you want until you have kids. Even one kid.
I am going to read things online as much as I feel like this morning. I’ve already checked Facebook (takes about a half hour or less for it to become boring), and probably won’t check Instagram (because that’s even more boring.)
But I will be on Reddit, reading articles and people’s stories and commenting and doing what I can to connect with anyone who needs to feel connected with.
Then that will also become boring and so I’ll start reading one of the many books I have on my kindle. I buy Kindle books compulsively. Currently I’m cycling between Why We Sleep, Raising Cooperative Kids, and Daring Greatly, all nonfiction, self-helpy type books. I love reading about that stuff.
Later this morning I will probably wrap some gifts. I purchased dozens of gifts on Amazon this year. I cannot handle shopping out in public. It fills my mind with too many negative, sometimes frightening thoughts of America’s insane obsession with “stuff.” The holidays bug me so much sometimes (though I am a Christmas fiend and LOVE all the lights and traditions and sweets) just because of all the damn STUFF.
Because in spite of the aforementioned purchasing of dozens of gifts on Amazon, I try so hard to practice all the principles of minimalism. I told everyone this year that I didn’t want anything for Christmas except for new floors for my house (which no one would buy me, but hey, maybe a little cash towards it?)
But then I realized everyone was buying me presents anyway (especially my husband, who spoiled me to pieces,) so I felt compelled to return the favor to all of them. I am trying very hard to buy them things they will actually use or that could be considered an “experience” gift. I got my daughter a visit to the trampoline park Skyzone, in addition to a BOATLOAD of her current favorite toy, LOL Surprise Dolls. They’re basically teeny babydolls about the size of my palm that come in all manner of dress (very hypersexualized if you ask me, but I digress) and they either pee, spit, or cry when you fill them with water and squeeze their heads. They come in little balls, a big bigger than a baseball, that you have to unwrap. There are layers where different things are revealed like shoes, clothes, and a baby bottle, all in different colors. The selling point is the surprise, not knowing which one you’ll get and feeling compelled to “Collect Them All!” (All 30+ of whatever “series” is out right now…) You’ll just have to look it up for yourself. I got her the LOL Big Surprise set to be from Santa this year. It comes in a gigantic case that goes up to my knees and was $80-damn-bucks but I did it for the sheer pleasure of seeing her wake up on Christmas morning and absolutely pee herself when she sees what Santa brought. Her grandparents got her the $200 LOL Doll House. Absolutely insane but when you have just the one kid, the whole family somehow manages to make all their wildest dreams come true.
I will also probably go to the post office before noon and ship a couple of gifts, one to my mom (I got her a fill-in-the-blank style motivational journal, a copy of Daring Greatly by Brene Brown, and a People of Walmart Coloring book,) and one to my company. I work remotely and my company is based about 2000 miles away. I’m mailing them a bunch of honeysticks from a local farm and a pipe-cleaner-and-pony-bead ornament my daughter made.
***
After writing all of this I got up and started making a list of things I wanted and needed to do today. I have felt very “chaotic” lately, especially with the holidays being here. I find myself wanting to clean and organize and clear things out regularly, which happens often since we have such a small house with such limited space (about 980sq feet.)
On my list were things like epoxy sealer (I am working on casting some dried flowers from my ex-mother-in-law’s funeral a few weeks back in resin, to preserve them and give them as gifts to her son, my daughter’s father, and her mother, my daughter’s great-Grandma.) I also wanted to look at some shelves for my house (again, organization fiend!) a shadow box (for preserving some of those dried flowers, again to give as a gift) and a few other things.
***
My husband works at a coffee shop downtown and his shift ends at 2pm, but I have to do two errands before that because the two places I need to go will close soon: Comcast and the post office.
As for Comcast (worst internet provider ever) I had recently switched to AT&T for internet service since Comcast’s was so painfully slow and AT&T is going to be installing fiber optics in our neighborhood soon. (Plus, they’re cheaper!) Fiber optics right now is the fastest internet available and until AT&T the only company who did it was Google and only in a few select major cities. AT&T is now the only provider installing fiber optics in cities all over the country and so I wanted in on that, again, since it’s not only faster but cheaper.
I say all that in case you’re reading this 100 years from now and you wanna laugh because now, fiber optics is trash and you guys have internet in your brains or something.
Anyway, I had to return the cable modem back to Comcast, which reminded me of when I was pregnant with my daughter in 2011 and I still had cable TV. I remember sitting on the couch watching Teen Mom on MTV and suddenly realizing what garbage the media tried to pour onto us and I decided I did NOT want that in my home, not with a child. I didn’t want her to even risk being exposed to the worse parts of our culture via something as dumb as TV. I had pretty much just ripped the cable box from the wall and driven it over to Comcast that day in 2011 and was like, “Get this garbage out of my house!” I haven’t had TV since, aside from Netflix and Hulu which is great because I feel like I have so much more control with those things. My daughter (who is 7 now) can’t just flip through channels and land on something trashy and have her sweet mind influenced by it.
Anyway, I also had to go to the post office to deliver a gift to my company and my mom. I got my company (in San Francisco) some honey sticks from a local farm here, and my daughter made them an ornament. I realize I already mentioned this, but to be more specific: I sent them about 40 honey sticks in different flavors, but with no labels for the flavors, in the hopes that they’d have some fun sharing them and guessing the flavors! I already mentioned the gift I got my mom earlier (some books.)
***
It feels so good to get those errands done! I come home and heat up a Lean Cuisine frozen pizza and watch Adam Ruins Everything on Netflix before my husband comes home.
Once he’s home, we go out and shop for some of the craft supplies I wanted. We also go to Target so he can look for some LOL Surprise Dolls for my daughter (we’re trying to just collect as many as we can so she can see them all on Christmas and just pee her pants with excitement.) I get some hand soap because we’re out. I also get a clear glass dish, which I’ll cast some flowers in resin in.
My ex-brother-in-law (who I just consider a brother now) is working at Target which is a mad house. I was glad to find that his line was short. He can’t find a price tag on the glass dish, which I thought was probably $10, so he gives it to me for $3. It was nice to see him. I worry about him a lot. He asked if my husband and I will be at the family Christmas, and we say yes. And he says, “I’ll go if you go.” I’m glad to hear that.
(My ex-husband’s family is my family now. That’s where we spend Christmas and other holidays. All of us, yes! My ex-husband and his fiancé, and my husband too. Even my husband’s mom was there with us on Thanksgiving. It’s different, sure, but that’s the power of forgiveness and love.)
***
We get home and spend the evening wrapping gifts, since my daughter isn’t home. It’s peaceful and fun and my husband and I just talk and talk and enjoy each other’s company.
Later his sister comes by with presents and we just spend the evening wrapping them together while they share a few craft beers.
I work on arranging the dried flowers mentioned earlier in the shadow box. My sister-in-law gives me some tips and once I implement the them I end up loving how the flowers look in the shadow box! I am so excited to give these to Grandma.
(“Grandma” is my daughter’s great-grandma, or my ex-grandma-in-law! Again, I am very close to my ex-in-laws. Losing my ex-mother-in-law in November was dreadfully hard on all of us. I am very happy to be able to give these preserved flowers from her funeral to Grandma, her mom. Sadly, she passed away on Grandma’s birthday and so I just want to love on her this holiday season.)
We stay up very late and watch TV and slowly enjoy the beers (responsibly, dear reader!) until we are ready to zonk out! We go to bed happy, especially my husband who doesn’t have to work tomorrow so he knows he can sleep in.
Overall, a lovely Saturday. Bit busy, but I also know my daughter is happy where she is with her dad so I find it easier to enjoy myself instead of worrying about whether or not she needs Mama.
Until next time, reader! (And if you’re reading this 100 years from now, please use your brain fiber optics to communicate with me on that other interstellar dimension where souls go, and let me know how global warming turned out, since that’s going to be a thing you guys can probably do.)